I was having a discussion/argument with my icky teen the other day and happened to say where did I go wrong with you. His reply was, I have spoiled him and that I give him too much. Don't get me wrong, I do consider us "working poor" but I have always managed to get him the things he really wants. Now I do not buy him anything he wants, but he does have a lot and I tend to go without to give it to him. Deep down I know he is right. I have always over compensated for his father. We divorced when he was a baby and his dad was not around much. Then when he was 7 his father died. It is not like he was used to having his dad around, but when he died so did the hope of that changing. When my ex would forget Xmas or Bdays, I would get something my son really wanted and mark it from his father. Once he died I think I tried to help him by trying to make him happy by replacing his father by getting him things. Now I have a monster on my hands (OK thats a SLIGHT exaggeration).
I am a mixed bag parent. I expect that when I say something, that it gets done no arguing (I know, dreaming). I expect honesty. Finally, I expect/demand good grades (he is an honors student so good grades are feasible with work). I work really hard trying to show him a good work ethic and know that he is going to be a incredible man one day. My question to the masses is how can we both survive to get to his adulthood. No one mentioned that teenage boys get a form of PMS, why are they hormonal anyways, lol. Whoever coined the tern Teenanger (no thats not a typo) obviously had one. What are your coping techniques with your icky teens?
Jen, you can never replace his father. The best you can do, in my opinion, is show him your work habits and be there for him when he needs you to be. My "mother" essentially abandoned me when I was 12 and although I had someone who would turn out to be an awesome mom, she could never replace my biological one. She knew that and she guided me by showing me how to take responsibility for my actions. That is, in all honesty, all anyone can do. This, as I am sure you are well aware, is a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-by-minute process. And although I don't really know you, I can feel in my soul that you are an awesome mother. So, if you spoil him, it is completely understandable. I am very proud of you and for what you have done with Devyn. I just wish I could get to know you both better.
ReplyDeleteThank you for those kind words. As he gets older, it gets harder in someways to keep him focused. I am realizing that I can't replace his dad. What is the most difficult is trying to teach him to become a man, because well I am not one. Is this the Paul I think it is???
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